Look Out, NASDAQ: Bruce is Coming

By: Martha | April 4th, 2007

NASDAQIt’s only fair to warn everyone whose livelihood depends on the American stock market that Bruce Arena is heading that way and, if you know what’s good for you, you might want to call in sick today.

According to an oddly proud NASDAQ press release, The Great Bruce Arena and his boss, Red Bull managing director Marc de Grandpre, will ring the closing bell today at the Market’s Times Square location — if you go camp out now, you should get a good seat for the festivities. (Alternately, if seeing Bruce push a button isn’t worth the $2 subway ride to you, you can always sit at your computer and watch the blessed event here at 4pm EDT sharp. Get that alarm set.)

I just hope someone told the NASDAQ people that, should anything go wrong, Bruce will declare himself totally uninvolved and walk off, whistling. Like if, say, he trips and set off some sort of domino-style collapse of every computer tower in the place? Totally not his fault. Or if he accidentally unplugs the Master Computer that runs all of NASDAQ? Well what moron put that plug there? Come on!

You’ve been warned, NASDAQ. You’ve been warned.



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Comments  

  • Clint |  April 4th, 2007 at 6:51 am

    cornercorner

    HAHAHAHA!! SELL SELL SELL!

    Posted from United States United States

    cornercorner
  • Eddie |  April 4th, 2007 at 9:26 am

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    The market is currently up but expect a late day sell off once all the Red Bull wears off.

    Posted from United States United States

    cornercorner
  • Eddie |  April 4th, 2007 at 1:19 pm

    cornercorner

    And it finishes +8 for the day. Those Red Bulls must be good luck after all.

    Posted from United States United States

    cornercorner
  • Martha |  April 4th, 2007 at 5:02 pm

    cornercorner

    Turns out the whole team went, not just Bruce — probably the sheer volume of bodies decreased the negative pull of his presence.

    Posted from United States United States

    cornercorner

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